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CINEMA SEEN - "Up, Up, and GO AWAY!" By William Margold Look, Up ON The Screen! It's a Bird BRAIN! It's VERY Plain! It's Anything But "Super"...MAN! Hmmm...I guess that I sort of let the rather dead cat out of the tragically tattered bag here...BUT in many, many, MANY more ways than one, the lamentable, mean-spirited, overly-religiously symbolic, heavy-handed motion picture mess haphazardly concocted by director Bryan Singer that lumbers about under the title SUPERMAN RETURNS (Warner Bros.)---richly (odd term to be using here) deserves much, much, MUCH more parody/abuse than my opening sentiment can bestow upon it. In the very smallness of worldly matters, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I suffered through the new adventures of The Man of Wood, I mean, Steel, in the very same theater (Mann's Chinese), that I witnessed Christopher Reeve performing the character 28 years ago. And I got really, really, REALLY excited when John Williams' uplifting score boomed out---igniting my eardrums with sounds that could stir the soul. And I got even MORE excited when the credits began flashing toward me, virtually smacking my hopeful sensibilities about like ping pong balls caught up in a tornado. Indeed, I was a wide-eyed, desperately anxious to be pleased youngster, all caught up in the moment---with one hand buried deep in my huge bag of popcorn, and my other hand clutching an oversized cup of soda pop. And panic set in when I suddenly realized that with BOTH hands full, I wouldn't be able to applaud what I was sure were going to be images worthy of hand-clapping adulation. I was ripe for the taking! And boy, oh boy, did I get taken!!! Obviously by this time you've noticed that I have been utilizing an over abundance of exclamation marks and CAPITAL letters to make (or rub) the point in that I didn't care very much (and even less) for the film that is taking up this ENTIRE Cinema Seen page! Various incarnations and numerous adventures of Superman have been colliding with my life for as long as I can remember. I seemingly couldn't escape from watching George Reeve on TV in the mid-Fifties. I discovered a cache of Superman comic books in a storeroom at Central Juvenile Hall in 1969, while I was I was running Unit R in my capacity as a Deputy Probation Officer. I was entertained, if not enthralled by the BIG screen special effects saturated activities of the aforementioned Christopher Reeve in the late Seventies and early Eighties. ALL of those memories (and many more) came rushing back recently when the very well made "The Amazing Story of Superman" TV documentary (ironically produced by Bryan Singer) was aired on the A&E network. And, of course, that fine piece got my hopes up even more! And, as previously stated, those hopes came crashing down with a kryptonite-saturated thud! Magic less, emotional less, and dimension less--- "Superman Returns" flails about like a frustrated butterfly in an extremely unimaginative cage. NONE of the characters, including a particularly bland Brandon Routh as Clark Kent (etc.), and a shockingly annoying Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, create anything even remotely approaching the realm of demanding attention, respect or contempt. The sight gags are protracted. The dialogue is stolid. And by the time the film was over, all I could say was "Superman, Go Away!" end NOTE: Originally published in LA Xpress, July 6, 2006, issue. |