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CINEMA SEEN - "Remockery Blues!" By William Margold The fragility of life’s pleasures was made painfully clear recently when my old friend Elmer Pasta was informed that his film reviewing services (after 12 years) would be longer needed by the Hilo, Hawaii newspaper in which his weekly column appeared. I offered him my “heartfelt condolences”---and then thanked what powers I believe in, that I am truly blessed with a weekly opportunity to expound…absolutely unfettered by editorial intervention of any kind whatsoever. However, on that same day (and evening), I had trouble finding the latest issue of The LAXPRESS, and I found myself becoming panic-stricken, and then downright scared over the prospect of NOT having my page about movies…and life, each week. Frantically I went from news-rack to news-rack, hitting all of the “sure to be there” spots, and either that rack was empty, filled with trash (which I dutifully cleaned out), or the previous issue was still in it. The cold unnerving sweat that comes with going into a doctor’s or dentist’s office, or with the realization that “nothing is forever”---began to percolate within me. But then I found a rack (right in front of the LAXPRESS office, of course!) with my latest column in it…and all (almost) was right with my world once more. With my nervous system somewhat calmer now---it’s time to deal with the topic of this column: the fragility of life’s original movie pleasures versus the current, truly painful state of the motion picture “remake.” After suffering through the incredible charm-less-ness of CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (Warner Bros.), and the absolutely unnecessary rehashing of BAD NEWS BEARS (Paramount Pictures), I rushed out to purchase the original efforts: WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY and THE BAD NEWS BEARS. Such is the very small price to pay for providing my readers with the very best in cinematic insightfulness. Although many decades had past since my first viewing of “Willy” (1971), I was delighted to discover that the slightly warped, seemingly callous attitude of the magnificent Gene Wilder (as Mr. Wonka) was still as sly and spry as I had remembered. In the new version, Johnny Depp minces to the point of conjuring Michael Jackson, and is done in by some disturbing special effects. Plus, the cloying presence of Freddie Highmore (as Charlie) made my teeth hurt. Even worse is what happened to the really great “Bears” (1976). The gruffness of Walter Matthau has been replaced with the vapid crudeness of Billy Bob Thornton, and the wonderful rag-tag rebelliousness of the original kids has been supplanted with a characterless collection of youngsters who are instantly forgettable. Much like the film that they are mired in. And apparently the tepid trend of “re-mockery” isn’t over yet. Coming up in the fall will be a new version of “The Warriors” (easily the best gang warfare film ever made). And of course, the latest look at “King Kong” is coming out around Christmas time. This, in fact, will be the second cinematic shot at the mammoth monkey. Or do you remember the “beast that bored” back in the late 70’s? end NOTE: Originally published in LA Xpress, August 18, 2005 issue. |